SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I certainly do not hate you, I do not know you. I commend your strength right now, it must be awfully hard to come here.

Thank you for being kind. I am sorry you are in so much pain. I hope you can find the peace and joy you deserve.

Pleasehelpmebebetter
I dont hate you. I don't even know you.

Most of us here hate what our spouses did to us. We hate the betrayal.

Maybe some of us hate our spouses. I certainly don't hate my wife, despite what she did.

I also think it takes a lot of bravery to come here amidst all of these intensely negative emotions and perceived judgment.

My wife hasn't found the courage you have unfortunately.

There is no hate for you here. Jesus died for ALL of us and our sins, yours, mine, everyone.

But we sure as hell are ANGRY that you KEEP hurting your BH. Wouldn't you feel likewise if someone were doing something to someone who didn't deserve it--and that something was the worst pain you have ever experienced.

You stop being the evil shrew-lady when you START allowing your BH his agency including the agency to a divorce that is fair and generous to him if that what we needs, and also including giving him the truth that he so desperately needs. You stop being the evil shrew-lady when you START acting in your husband's best interests and do what *you already know* is the right thing on his behalf. You stop being the evil shrew lady when you STOP putting your needs over his, stop withholding information from him, and stop browbeating/and or guilting him to staying with you. Oh yeah, and when you STOP making this about you i.e., your last post on here. You can start and stop what you need to do, RIGHT NOW.

Gemmy, apologies for indulging in the threadjack. I'd say this to your WW if she were to come here.

[This message edited by WontBeFooledAgai at 2:15 AM, Wednesday, July 8th]

Thank you, theevent. I can see it was not my place to post here and will gracefully bow out. I was merely trying to express love and support for my husband

[This message edited by Pleasehelpmebebetter at 2:22 AM, Wednesday, July 8th]

Thank you, theevent.

You have a place to post here as anyone does. Feel free to show your husband love anytime anywhere without shame or feeling pressured otherwise. Bow out if you wish, but your opinion is as valuable as any in my opinion.

Hi, this is 5bluedrops wife and I love my husband. I know you all hate me and I hate me too so I guess you’re all right about me, but I don’t want to be an evil shrew lady. You all haven’t even met me

I would ask rethorically "why would you assume that ‘we’ hate you?" But that’s not entirely honest as I have a strong hunch why:

It’s the same inner voice that our wayward share, the same kind that allowed them to do what they did.

It’s the ego desperate for external validation, if you like Dexter you could very well call it your "dark passenger "

I don’t hate you as I don’t hate my wayward either, is very likely that most people here are on the same frequency, although this is a specific environment for betrayed partners.

Judging the evil of choices isn’t judging a person evil, is objective. Good people can pull really evil crap when they are broken inside and lost.

By the way I do not think you fully realize just how important is to see you speaking out like that, vulnerable, not only for your husband but for every BS male or female, here.

It’s something we likely would wish to see our wayward do. Spontaneously.

Most of our wayward avoid vulnerability and accountability, that’s what it’s going to ultimately destroy the chances of reconciliation.

Because if we’re investing time here it is not only to find support through pain, but also because we loved our wayward and that seed hopes to find a way to flourish again.

It’s mostly unspoken but it’s obvious.

Your step in here looks like a rare evidence of a wayward trying to make the soil fertile again.

Nothing to hate in that.

[This message edited by BackfromtheStorm at 7:30 AM, Wednesday, July 8th]

I cannot forgive what I do not know. I cannot reconcile with a version of events that keeps changing. And I cannot keep standing for a marriage if I am the only one standing in the full truth of it. This is by far and away the hardest thing I have ever dealt with in my life and I know this is just the beginning.

I like this 👍

This is simply put the same root of all problems and why I can’t reconcile with my wife even if she is changing and doing the work.

Her shame is still burning any bridges before they can be built.

Her shame is still burning any bridges before they can be built.

Such a profound quote.

Gemmy,

It's still early and you need to process and deal with all of the emotional turmoil. I have been there, I was fooled for 15 years. After letting out all of the pain and sadness I moved on to dealing with anger and resentment and the unfairness of it all. I had to crawl through the gauntlet of all these shitty emotions because of the choices of my wife. At some point (maybe 2 years) I decided to live in the present and not the past. The time frame will be different for each one of us, but I can tell you I am one proud man who doesn't give up easily. I will never forget what has happened, but I no longer let it ruin my present-day life. Personally, letting go of the resentment was the hardest for me. There is no time frame for healing and recovery, for me and my wife it's a day-by-day journey. We are currently 4 and a half years out from Dday. Gemmy, keep posting and getting things off your chest. It does help. Work on letting go of the anger and resentment and take your life back, it won't be easy, but you can do it.

Lost1313